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Post by Kiwi Kid on Sept 27, 2007 5:30:02 GMT -5
I ask you all, What is forgiveness really? What does it look like? What does it feel like? And how is it different from feeling hurt? Some of us have been hurt so deeply, so permanently, that we are forever changed. Our pain causes us to withdraw or maybe even kills a part of us that will not be resurrected until the Lord returns. So if a loved one has hurt me this deeply, this permanently that I feel the pain daily -- does that mean I haven't forgiven? The fact that I don't feel the same way for this person as I did before, is that an indication of permanent wounding or unforgiveness? Is there a difference? How do I know if what I'm calling pain is really unforgiveness? What I have obviously decided to do first is to ask the Lord to reveal to me if there is unforgiveness in my heart. But what do you all think?
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Brick
Full Member
Posts: 120
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Post by Brick on Sept 27, 2007 23:30:11 GMT -5
I think that forgiveness comes from acknowledging our own failures and realizing that we have no righteousness of our own, but try as we may, we still fail. When we can accept that we are failures, but forgiven, perhaps we can truly accept that others have failed us as well. "Forgive our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us."
So forgiveness looks like a second chance. It is letting go the coat. Not hanging on to the thought "just one more time..." Forgiveness may not be possible without prayer. The word "forgive" is a verb. It requires action. We can say in our heart, "I forgive him/her" but if we just keep our distance, it is only a partial forgiveness. But when you honestly forgive them, you will open all the doors to them that their transgression closed between you and them.
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Post by shushy on Sept 29, 2007 10:18:01 GMT -5
Lifting our hearts before the Lord and asking him to reveal anything in it that shouldnt be there is biblical. "Lift the eyes of your heart and the eyes of your understanding before the Lord and he will show you".....OT ANd He will. The fact that Jesus tells us to forgive based on the fact that he forgives us for our sin is the 'principle' to follow. Forgiveness is NOT a feeling/emotion. Its an action of our will like humility or choosing to humble ourselves before God. I had an experince that hurt me deeply that went on for many yrs. I became a strong christian around the time I found out about this thing. It broke my heart. I tried to forgive and many times thought that I had and it would rear its ugly head about every 6 mths for many yrs. Everytime I was in a service and unforgiveness was mentioned I would search my heart again. I was still feeling the pain. It was like a sword in my side that never went away. All that happed was it became numb until the next time. I kept trying to be obedient whnever it arose. The grief/disappointment/hurt/devastaion. I would speak it out based on the fact that Jesus has forgiven me I forgive so and so. Because I loved the Lord I kept trusting Him. It was many yrs later in another country away from my family and close friends that God really dealt with it. I went through a broken marriage and almost lost my mind. I did things out of charactor or how my charactor had been. Ill put it this way. All the scum that was in me surfaced over a period of time, heart things, painful experiences, one by one, it wasnt until I could see my filthy rags, how sinful I really was that I discovered I had truly forgiven that person. Ive learned to accept that I am a sinner and I will sin. No matter how well behaved I think I can be. I know longer worry about what people think. Stuff what people think. Im more straight up and blunt almost to the point of being rude. It was like the pendulum had to swing along way out before it swang back and settled. I had to learn who shushy really was. I am only responsible to God for me.
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Post by Ken Coolidge on Sept 29, 2007 13:53:08 GMT -5
Brick and Shushy Thanks for your thoughtful insight. Ken
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Post by wanttobewithGod on Sept 29, 2007 18:11:44 GMT -5
I agree with you both Brick and Shushy,with one minor exception, Shush. I think forgiveness is MORE than a feeling or emotion, but it is also that. If we were praying that we could have forgiveness in our hearts for someone...we would truly have to want (feel) that as well to be honest about it, wouldn't we? We couldn't have a hard heart toward someone and then ask God to help us to forgive them. Don't know if I'm explaining myself properly, but the two go hand in hand.
I know it's one of the most difficult things to (truly) do...but also one of the things in our lives that "gives back". Don't you, seriously, notice a change in your own thoughts, feelings and disposition when you have truly forgiven someone that you previously had hardened your heart against? Just makes the world a much better place. M.
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Post by shushy on Sept 30, 2007 4:38:59 GMT -5
WTBWG...no I didnt feel it not for a long time. I was numb with pain. I just wanted to be obedient to God. I knew that unforgiveness ties you to the person, like a rope. My heart was broken not hard. I wanted to do what was right in Gods eyes more than anything else. If I had had a hard heart I could never have considered forgiveness. I was just a broken wreck trying to do what was best for me. I never realised until recently the process I had to experience. Yes my thoughts have changed regarding that.
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Post by wingsofaneagle on Oct 5, 2007 19:18:16 GMT -5
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Post by wingsofaneagle on Oct 5, 2007 20:08:38 GMT -5
Forgiveness has been a necessary part of my healing and growth, both naturally and spiritually. First I learned how to forgive those who had done wrong by me, and then I had to forgive myself for whatever part I played, if any. There is tremendous peace that comes about when we release the burden of anger and revenge and accept that what was done against us doesn't have to become part of us. We can let it go. The above post that mentioned unforgiveness keeping one tied to the other person is 100% correct. We will never be free until we forgive and let it go.
I definitely think it is easier to forgive if we have been at the receiving end of forgiveness ourselves. In other words, if we have been forgiven for something that could be deemed "unforgiveable", then we are more likely to have compassion upon another. That is not always the case however as there are those who take their "forgiveness" for granted.
My first step in forgiving was realizing that in order to be free of this other person I had to forgive them. I had to let it go. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone what the other person did. It doesnt mean that that by forgiving them you are giving them free reign to wrong you again. I had to accept the other person's faults as "their" faults and not mine. I had to accept that they are who they are but they do not have to define who I am.
I have seen so many people who cannot forgive and its like a mental poison that eats away at them. My brother is a prime example of such. He was abused by a worker when he was younger which instilled such a bitterness and hate for religion in him that he is now an atheist. Our sister wronged him while she was suffering from alcoholism about 10 years ago and he has never spoken to her since. He has told me that if I were to do anything against him or his family that he would never speak to me again either. He's not a joyful person to be around and everything is very black and white to him. There are no grey areas. You did wrong... ok... im done with you. I talked to him about forgiveness and he told me that he didnt see any reason for it. I asked him what it would feel like if he had cheated on his wife for example and if he would ask her forgiveness and she said no. He said he wouldnt ask her... he would just walk away from the marriage. Now that is a hardened heart. Not all of us carry unforgiveness to that extreme but it does have an effect on our lives whether we choose to awknowledge it or not.
Ok I know i got off on a tangent there! Sorry!
Forgiveness in one word to me is FREEDOM!
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Post by myquest on Sept 25, 2010 10:52:57 GMT -5
We will encounter situations and people that will hurt or offend us. It is a part of life's landscape. I learned this early on, after I professed. I was convinced that God's chosen were understanding, compassionate and honest iin all dealings with their brethren. Obviously, I was naive. We are human and as such, subject to the wiles of human nature. Because I grew up, as a foster kid, (4 of them), I trusted no one. My last foster home was a professing family, when I did make my choice, I must admit, I still carried a lot of past baggage of my earlier life. To overcome this, I did my best to fit in and fill my place in God's family. I offrered for work and at 19 I went out with a companion from Olympia convention. A few years later I had to leave because the lifestyle was too much for me..flashbacks of being shunted from home to home were too
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Post by myquest on Sept 25, 2010 11:09:19 GMT -5
difficult. As a result, I was misunderstood and shunned, a devastating ordeal. These many years later, I still sense the pain and stigma. My point is, even though I have taken these matters to the Lord in prayer and I have forgiven all parties, in my heart, it does not erase the experience. When God forgives, He forgets. Unfortunately, we are unable to. But, I know that I bear no ill toward any of the brethren and this comforts me. Here is a verse that I have on my wall: "The brightest future is based on a forgiven past, you can't fly off into new beginnings until you let go of past failures, heartaches & baggasge that keep you grounded." Let us be responsive to God's healing touch, if we do, our hearts will never be too hard to forgive.
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